deansangelicpurity:

chloemac86:

randomdestielfangirl:

What an amazing episode today’s was. I loved the
old-fashioned mystery horror feel of the case, but the complex emotions it
invoked overpowered it. It was painful seeing all of their hearts break in
individual ways but I’m glad it is being addressed.

Mary: At the
start we see Mary reading John’s journal. She’s clearly upset by it for multiple
reasons— the journal is a symbol of how much time has passed. How much her boys
have changed. How much HER John had changed. How much she ‘doesn’t belong’. Yet when she asks Cas, he says (gif credit to @sunlitcas)

She’s
surprised for a second. And then she smiles, but it’s pretty sad. Look at it
from Mary’s point of view. She is unaware of all of Cas’s issues, but
one thing is clear to her. Dean trusts him, he’s clearly affectionate with him,
he lets him stay in the bunker and YET Cas doesn’t feel he belongs. So
realistically, what chance does she have of ever belonging?

Throughout the episode, Mary is struggling. In heaven
she still had two little kids to take care of, a place and family she belonged
to. And now, she’s almost useless. They don’t need her. They’re sweet and kind
and polite but they’re essentially strangers. She had to be saved twice by them
(and she certainly was a very capable hunter before) so this adds to her
feeling of inadequacy.

I respect the decision she made at the end. I’m glad that
she was open and honest with both of them and her pain was palpable. She needs
time to just be her own person and find her own feet, away from Dean and Sam. And
when they’re ready, they can try to be a family again.

Cas: Oh boy, Cas.
I’m glad to see his issues didn’t just magically disappear. I loved the fact
that he tried to console Mary by telling her what she needed. The irony is that
both of them feel the other is more important. Mary thinks that Cas is more
important to her boys because he knows them better and is more ‘useful’ and Cas
thinks Mary is more important to them because she is actually family.

The fact that he was wandering in the middle of the night
(instead of researching/watching TV) rings a few alarm bells about his mental
state. He stuck around till Sam was safe but he’s unwilling to stay for longer because
he has never felt welcome in the bunker. The conversation with Mary probably
made him feel worse than ever.

Even his conversation was short (refusing Dean’s offer of
coffee) because he’s feeling so guilty and unhappy about always failing the
people he loves. He think his worth to the Winchesters lie only in how useful
he is (and to be fair they made him feel that way many, many times) One
conversation by Dean is not going to undo all that damage. I guess he would
have taken Dean’s offer of help IF Mary wasn’t feeling like crap too. But now
that he knows Mary is unhappy, he’s trying to make them stay with her so she
will feel better.

This line made me pause the video and cry for ten minutes. (gif credit to @constiellation)

Poor Cas, trying so hard to be like Sam and Dean. Cas hates Crowley, but he can’t help himself from asking him for what is clearly reassurance. He clearly admires the Winchesters and
wants to learn to hunt and gather information so he’s not a burden to them and
that is just so heartrendingly sad.    

Dean: I felt the most for Dean in this episode. I mean, just
last episode he was drinking and almost crying in the bunker kitchen so I
assume he stayed up till Cas came home. And then had sex with him fell asleep. He’s
clearly happy in the morning, based on the fact that he made breakfast and set
out a plate for Cas (the bacon was clearly for him, not Mary) Dean is a
nurturer. He cooks for the people he loves. He was clearly expecting to have a
nice breakfast with his family but Cas blows him off quite rudely. (gif credit to @yourfavoritedirector and @sunlitcas)

There’s quite a bit of shock and hurt in Dean’s eyes but he
quickly recovers because this is a dance that they always do. Dean thinks that
Cas always keeps leaving him because he has ‘better things to do’ and Cas
always feels like he needs to leave he feels Dean doesn’t want him. This scene also reminded
me of 8.08 where Dean’s all excited about Cas being with him and hunting by his
side and even offers shotgun but… It didn’t happen.

Sam got what Cas was trying to say, but Dean’s busy in
denial-town. Throughout the episode he has his head buried in the sand, doing his usual hearty ‘everything’s fine all fine I don’t care at all lalalalalala’ routine.

In the graveyard scene, Dean’s lines are telling.

“She’s still working on the kinks. We’re ALL still working on the kinks.”- Translation: I don’t want to talk about this, Cas is going to come back as soon as the Lucifer thing finishes and I WILL HAVE MY FAMILY TOGETHER UNDER ONE ROOF. 

He doesn’t want to
deal with Mary’s emotional issues right now. He’s like a child who doesn’t want
to see something bad is happening. He’s hoping if he shuts his eyes hard enough
it’ll all go away. He’s not upset about Mary here, he’s upset about Cas.  

The ending though, is where you can see Dean’s heart break into a
million pieces. (gif credit to @yourfavoritedirector) 

Mary unknowingly uses the SAME LINES Cas said while leaving
(coincidence? I think not) We all know that Dean has abandonment issues a mile
long— every time he tries, he gets his heart stomped on. And knowing Dean, he’s
not angry with Mary or being a spoiled brat, he’s blaming himself. He’s been
trying (cooking for Cas and Mary, buying Mary those snacks, letting her hunt) so
hard but nothing’s working. He offered apologies for his behavior to Cas (in
11×23) and Mary (in this episode) but both of them left anyway. They didn’t
leave because of HIM, but look at it from his point of view— no one wants him.

Dean, Mary and Cas— all three of them hurting. I’m devastated
to see their pain yet also happy to see some acknowledgement. I want all three
of them to heal at least a little this season and be a family again. They need
each other.

Berens is a gift and he liked two of my tweets about the episode!!