Ok so I have a story. I worked Fantasyland (Dumbo) at Magic Kingdom. We had a girl transfer from Pirates of the Caribbean. And she told me the most amazing story.
So Pirates is down (shocking) And this particular boat is stopped at the first big scene, Where Barbosa is on the ship yelling for Jack Sparrow.
Anyway the boat has been stopped for about 15 minutes at this point, and there’s a couple sitting alone in the back. So the guy decides that nothing gets him in a better mood than the smell of water that hasn’t been changed in roughly 50 years, and convinces his girlfriend to blow him.
Now this girl is in the booth, along with the coordinator, watching this go down. Literally. There’s not much they can do to stop it at this point, other than notify security. Then another problem arises. The guy finishes, and the girl makes the motion to spit.
In. The. Fucking. Water.
Now if that load is released into the water, thats an automatic biohazard, and the ride is shut down for weeks. The water is removed, the ride path is scrubbed, along with the ride vehicles, and then new water is brought in. Costing the company thousands of dollara and pissed off tourists. The worst combination on this earth.
Panicking at this predicament, the coordinator grabs the mic in the control booth and says:
“Spitting is for quitters.”
This echoes over the bitching of guests and 50 year old audio of pirates commiting various crimes.
The look on this woman’s face was priceless. She gazes up, as if Walt himself commanded her from the grave, and swallows.
I’m told the ride started 5 minutes later and the couple ran out from the exit queue as fast as they could.
And this is why you dont fuck at Disney. Because cast members will call you out and it will be the highlight of our day.
odin is like “when thor was born the sun shone bright upon his beautiful face. i found loki on the sidewalk outside a taco bell”
Oðinn spake:
Bright the sun shone | at the time of Þor’s birth, And bathed his count’nance fair. Loki, wolf-father, | the trickster, the liar, I found on the cold pavement While returning in glory | from a grand hunt For a 3 AM quesadilla.
Every time my extended family gets together in upstate ny, we (the Adults) all get wasted & at least 1 giant Family Scandal comes out…..tonight is that night..
We’ve Got A Winner Folks, And It Involves Arson AND A Nun!
So apparently my aunt cecelia (not really my aunt, just the best friend of my dads cousin, whomst we also call aunt) once married a dude referred to only as Florida Asshole. He was named such because he apparently left my aunt cecelia while she was in the hospital, stole all of their stuff, and fucked off to florida. Aunt cecelia then hired a p.i. to find him, as u do, and went down to florida with my dads cousin (who was going to florida for a work trip, and had no idea Florida Asshole was there). Apparently the p.i. told aunt cecelia which city the guy was in, but hadnt found the exact address yet, so ofc aunt cecelia did what any other able bodied half insane scorned person might. She went to a costume shop, bought a full nun costume, and went door to door under the assumption that she was collecting charity. (She did, in fact, donate everything she collected. This was an important fact to her). At one of the houses, she looked in the window and noticed an awful lot of furniture that used to be hers. So she, obviously, went to a gas station and bought several cans of gasoline, threw a molotov cocktail through the front window, and began pouring gasoline over the rest of the house. At this point, Florida Asshole came outside, recognized his ex wife looking like a renegade nun sent to punish him for his sins, and began beating her. The neighbors, seeing the strange new man beating a nun in his front yard while his house was on fire, did the only sensible thing in this story and called the police. Who promptly arrested Florida Asshole for assaulting a nun. Aunt cecelia did not get arrested, came clean to her best friend, and was immediately sent back to new york with a ticket bought under my other aunt’s name. We don’t know if she still has an arrest warrant out for her in florida, and that’s tonight’s Family Scandal!
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