I keep seeing people saying that the reason Dean is going to take Mary’s leaving so hard is because of his history and his abandonment issues. He is going to take it personally because he is predisposed to think that everyone leaves him and he isn’t good enough for anyone . As though Dean is just seeing Mary’s leaving through the lens of past experience and low self-esteem and that’s why it’s wrecking him, not because of anything Mary herself did.
But I think it’s important to acknowledge that Mary actually DID reject him. She flat-out said that being with him and Sam reminded her of how much she missed/wanted to be with her young children. She absolutely pitted Dean against his younger self and stated that she found him lacking. And I don’t say that to bash her or because I hate her, I just say it because it’s true. Regardless of whether you can or cannot understand what Mary did, whether you like her or not, the bald fact of the matter is, she made a completely selfish choice and handled its execution very badly. And, yes, that just makes her human, like the rest of the Winchesters, it doesn’t necessarily make her evil or anything, but it was not a shining moment for her.
Idk, it just seems like a lot of folks are suggesting Dean is taking this personally unnecessarily because he can’t see that everything is not about him but…Mary made this choice about him and Sam when she explained why she was leaving. If she had said “I just need to take some time, this is all so unfamiliar to me, I love you but I personally need some time”, that would be different. Then it really would be Dean internalizing something he doesn’t have reason to.
But Dean has very solid reasons to feel that Mary has rejected him. And I’m a bit sick of people saying that he doesn’t and kind of…invalidating him in that way. Not that his issues don’t/won’t play into how hard he has taken and possibly will take it, but they are not the only reason he’s feeling what he’s feeling.
One thing I’ve been thinking a lot about, but not seen acknowledged since watching the ep, too, is that Dean is going through the exact process Mary is during this time and his reaction is the opposite of hers, which might make it hit him even harder.
Mary admits to constantly comparing Sam and Dean to the kids in her heaven and her past. The things she learns about them are just too different from what she knows and she needs to step back. That’s her decision and she has the right to make it.
Dean has shown that he knows a LOT about Mary. We have some of Dean’s personal memories with her given to us throughout the series: the memory with her in his heaven, her tomato rice soup, her meatloaf, Mary singing Hey, Jude, and telling Dean angels were watching over him before bed every night. Then, on top of this layer of real memories, Dean has the djinn version of Mary and bits of information he must have gleaned from John over the years which he info-dumps on her when they first meet. And despite everything Dean thinks he knows about his mom, the narrative makes a point to highlight every time Mary bucks these expectations, be it her not knowing how to cook or turning up the music in the car or liking bacon or whatever.
Mary has a previous image of her boys in her mind that they aren’t adding up to. Dean has a previous image of his mom in his mind that she isn’t adding up to.
Dean decides it’s more important to get to know the real Mary than to get too hung up on how she doesn’t align with his ideal. Mary decides she wants to keep these ideals she has of her boys for a little bit longer rather than deal with the reality of them.
They’re both natural responses to the same situation and I’m not trying to call Dean a saint or say it makes Mary anything less than human, but imagine how Dean must feel after hearing Mary is going through the same process he is, but choosing the opposite response. If he thinks he’s choosing the real Mary because he loves her, what must her choosing the ideal Dean equate to in his mind? It can’t have been easy for him to adjust to her–we see that in how he was hesitant to take her hunting at first and had to warm up to the idea and how he has to adjust to following her orders when he hasn’t answered to anyone like that since John died–but he made the effort because he thought she was worth it. In choosing not to make the effort at this time, she’s implied, at least to him, that he’s not worth it.
While I don’t think her intention was malicious, it still hurts to find out you like someone more than they like you.
Apparently I can’t stop writing on this topic
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