“Dean, you have every right to be disappointed in your father. There is no need to trivialize your feelings about that with me.”
“Dean thought about this for a moment. He had been pretending for so long
that all the shit he had to deal with was no big deal. Cas was the one
person with whom he could talk to about it and he knew that Cas would be
accepting of his feelings about his father. Cas would never tell him
that John did the best he could or that he should give the man a break
since he lost his wife. Cas just accepted his anger and validated it. It
was such a rare thing to find in someone and Dean felt an overwhelming
gratitude for this man in his arms.”THIS! IS! EVERYTHING!
Being a child of abuse means pushing aside your feelings, protecting others who might get hurt, and, at the end of the day, surviving by whatever means necessary. It can be so fucking hard to own up to what’s happened to you in a lot of ways, especially when other people “justify” the abusive behavior with excuses. Yeah, it’s totally reasonable to point at a cause or identify a “this is where it started” point, but that does not make the abusive behavior acceptable. Ever. Furthermore, you as the person who is listening to an abuse survivor should be receptive to what they are telling you, not coming up with ways to “explain” what has happened to them. Finding someone who truly listens and validates the way you feel about your abuse is one of the most healing experiences in the world.
So this goes out to Dean and Sam Winchester, to any kid in an abusive home, to adults who are still working on this, including myself: You are more than your past. You did not deserve what has happened or what might still be happening to you. Whatever feelings you have about your parents/guardians/whoever was perpetrating your abuse is completely valid. You are not required to forgive and forget. You do not have to do or see or talk about anything to deserve healing, acceptance, and peace. Be selfish, be angry, be scared or vindictive or upset. You have every right to feel however you feel, to go somewhere or avoid something, to seek help or closure or not. Your journey is all yours, and I’m so fucking proud of you for being exactly where you are.
quote source: Bless the Broken Road by angelswatchingover, Chapter 17
Yeah uh… John wasn’t abusive.
On the one hand, this quote is from an AU fic where John Winchester was a slimy, abusive, piece of shit father.
On the other hand, canon John Winchester was also a slimy, abusive, piece of shit father.
Your tags say “John Haters not welcome” well ok, no one invited you?
John was abusive. Regularly abandoning your children for days on end without money for food while they are both significantly under 16 is ABUSE. It’s neglect at the very least.
Not to mention all the ways he fucked them up emotionally. Until very recently, Dean believed his only purpose in life was to protect and look out for Sam. Dean bought into this whole hog, to the point where he thought selling his soul to resurrect his brother was an acceptable deal.
And Sam? “If you walk out that door, don’t you ever come back.”
Yeah. John was a great father.
the comment about tags is directed at ross-faer, not the OP.
I mean, I get that John WAS raising the boys in some pretty extreme circumstances (where he might not be able to trust the foster care system should the demons show up on some poor unsuspecting foster family) and that he was grieving the wife he lost to the supernatural and that money was often tight and that he lost his own father at a young age.
But you know who ELSE fit that bill?
Bobby.
Bobby was a hunter through and through to the point where he was the hunters’ coordinator; those qualify as “extreme circumstances.” Bobby lost his own wife (the night they had an awful fight, no less) when she got possessed… actually, iirc, he had to shoot her himself. Bobby had to run a business on the side just to keep food on the table (which he STILL shared freely with the boys). Bobby DID have to shoot his own father when said father was abusing his mother.
And Bobby still pulled through. He worried about the boys’ safety. He fed them. He looked after them when John was away.
Bobby is proof that John did not have to be the abusive jerk that he was.
Bobby is proof that John can be held accountable for the terrible parenting choices he made.
Bobby was literally shown to be verbally abusive and an actual alcoholic.
John literally left a 10 year old and a six year old alone, overnight in a motel room with a loaded rifle.
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