Everybody talks about Anastasia, which is a shame, because it’s a far less interesting example of Russian fake heir drama than that whole business with the False Dmitries.
Okay, so Ivan the Terrible’s youngest son,
Dmitry, was assassinated in 1591 at the age of 8. Fast-forward nine years, and there’s a guy going about Eastern Europe claiming that he is Dmitry, having secretly escaped the assassination attempt and lived in hiding under a false identity ever since. This sort of business isn’t too unusual, but this guy actually pulls it off, managing to gain the Russian throne and rule for nearly eleven months before being dragged from the palace and publicly executed in early 1606. He’d subsequently go down in history as False Dmitry I.
Here’s where it gets interesting. In mid 1607, a second impostor declares himself. Bizarrely, this one doesn’t dispute the first impostor’s legitimacy; instead, he claims to be the same guy, having miraculously survived his apparent execution the year before. He somehow wins the political support of False Dmitry I’s widow, and with her vouching for his identity, he gains the allegiance of the Cossacks, rallies an army over 100 000 strong, and tries to “take back” the throne. Though his march on Moscow ultimately failed, he successfully conquered most of Southeastern Russia, which he would rule until his untimely death in December of 1610, when he was beheaded in a drunken altercation with a Tartar prince. The history books know him as False Dmitry II.
Now jump ahead three months to March of 1611, when a third fucking impostor pops up. Dude apparently just magically appeared from behind a waterfall in goddamn Ivangorod and declared himself Tsar. Following the lead of False Dmitry II, he doesn’t dispute either of the two previous impostors, instead claiming some sort of spiritual reincarnation and/or magical resurrection – it’s not entirely clear which – to establish himself as the same guy. He must have talked a good game, because he managed to win the support of the same fucking Cossacks who supported False Dmitry II’s claim. Unfortunately, he was a far less able commander, being forced to flee his stronghold only a year later, whereupon he was spirited away to Moscow and secretly executed. Though he never managed to actually rule anything, historians decided to stick to the theme and dubbed him False Dmitry III.
At this point the historical record becomes confused, with some sources asserting there was a fourth False Dmitry, though others insist that the third False Dmitry was simply counted twice due to poor record-keeping. Still, whether we’re talking about three False Dmitries or four, imagine the whole mess from the Tsar’s perspective. Dude just wouldn’t stay dead!
ohh you missed one of my favorite bits.
False Dmitry I not only was executed, it was KNOWN he was fake. Powers that be used him until he was trouble, and THEN executed him.
Then quartered him.
Then cremated what was left.
Stuffed the ashes in a can.
And shot him out of a cannon back towards Poland, where he actually came from.
stop rebooting shit and hire actually talented screenwriters, directors, photographers, and artists for original ideas. no one wants to see the same shit recycled over and over again. enough romanticizing the past, fuck nostalgia. pay people to make new and interesting shit, damn. what are these people afraid of? actually entertaining people?
stop wanting. you are whole. detach yourself from the feeling of need. you are enough.
you only feel lonely bc humans evolved as a social species and were never meant to live in social isolation, slaving away day in day out with minimal contact to other people, that is very superficial at best not a single hint of intimacy, like it is the norm now lmfao no one can overwrite that by “detaching”, quite the contrary, detachment is a sign of depression CAUSED by severe social deprivation
I hate tumblr hot takes like that. our society is broken and anti-social and it’s making us SICK. normalizing this and pretending like it’s your personal failure that you can’t deal with something you were never meant to able to deal with bc we didn’t evolve to be alone is absolutely counter productive
My attempt at making any sense whatsoever of the atrocious characterization and writing on SPN since Dabb took over:
Remember when Amara said to Dean in 11.23:
“Dean, you gave me what I needed most. I want to do the same for you.”
And boom! There’s Mary in her white night dress, looking all forlorn and confused.
Everyone assumes that what Dean needs most is Mary, right? But, I’ve come to assume that everything that’s happened is not actually real, but Amara knowing that Dean most needs to be shown how crap his family/friends are and to realize that he has to let them go.
For me this explains single-handedly all the crap that’s happened in season 12, 13, and (so far) 14:
We have Mary returning and…leaving first chance she gets. Then she’s – literally – in bed with the enemy. Then she gets Sam to join the BMoL without telling Dean. Then the two of them get Dean to also work for the Brits. Then, of course, eventually even Sam and Mary realize the BMoL are a horrible organisation and need to be wiped out. Then Mary disappears in the AU. End season 12.
Season 13 has Dean try to come to terms with losing Mary again. Until he realizes she’s alive over there and he tries his best to bring her back – only to realize that she’s decided for herself that a bunch of random strangers in a world that isn’t even her own are more important to her than Dean. Then it’s decided that Mary and all those AU fighters need to be brought to our world for reasons and Sam’s stupidity makes it possible for both Lucifer AND Michael to pass into our world with Sam ending up in mortal danger from Lucifer which makes it necessary for Dean to say yes to Michael so Sam can be saved.
Season 14 has Mary quite obviously not giving a shit about Dean’s possible Michael trauma (even though Dean only said yes to Michael to save her favourite son) as long as she can fawn over “natural born leader” Sam and hop into bed with a guy who could be her granddad.
It goes this way season after seaon and episode after episode until finally, in the very last episode of the show we’re back with Amara and Dean in that garden from 11.23 and Dean realizes the truth.
He decides to leave his family behind and – cue Jensen’s dream of the ending of the series:
“It’s just one scene. Think: Middle America, Big Sky country. It’s just wheat fields as far as the eye can see, and there’s an intersection, a crossroads, oddly enough. I drive up in the Impala, and I park in the middle of the intersection. There’s nobody for miles. I get out of the car and I look in the distance […] I just see this thing coming in the distance, and it gets closer and closer and closer and closer. It’s a guy on a motorbike. And we never really see his face. He’s got a helmet on. But he walks up and I give him a nod, and I take a walk around the Impala very slowly and I walk back over to him and I hand the keys to him. And he takes off his helmet — we don’t see who it is — he hands the helmet to me and hands me the keys to the bike. From his back, he gets in the car and I watch the Impala drive off. And then I turn and I look at the bike that’s got one seat. And I put the helmet on, start the bike, [give] one last look to the Impala, it’s now gone, and I take off. Because I don’t need the extra seat anymore.” (x)
See? Perfect ending to a perfect scenario.
And that’s it. I’m sticking with it because to me it’s my perfect Watsonian explanation of everything that frustrates me. The Doylist explanation of course is that Dabb and his team of writers suck, but that does not help me keeping an interest in the series.
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