The truth about the ‘Brodependancy’: A deeper look at CoDependancy relationships

bibrosbelike:

Co-dependency: is a learned behavior that can be passed down from one generation to another. It is an emotional and behavioral condition that affects an individual’s ability to have a healthy, mutually satisfying relationship. It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive and/or abusive. (Sam and Dean)The disorder was first identified about ten years ago as the result of years of studying interpersonal relationships in families of alcoholics. Co-dependent behavior is learned by watching and imitating other family members who display this type of behavior.

What is a Dysfunctional Family and How Does it Lead to Co-dependency?

A dysfunctional family is one in which members suffer from fear, anger, pain, or shame that is ignored or denied. Underlying problems may include any of the following:

-An addiction by a family member to drugs, alcohol, relationships, work, food, sex, or gambling. (John Winchester is in canon an alcoholic. Dean follows in his path as well as Sam.)

-The existence of physical, emotional, or sexual abuse. (It is heavily implied that Dean had been physically abused when Sam ran away)

-The presence of a family member suffering from a chronic mental or physical illness.

Dysfunctional families do not acknowledge that problems exist. They don’t talk about them or confront them. (Shoot first ask questions later. Dean never wants to discuss how he feels. Even when Sam asks him) As a result, family members learn to repress emotions and disregard their own needs. (DEAN) They become “survivors.” They develop behaviors that help them deny, ignore, or avoid difficult emotions. (DEAN) They detach themselves. (DEAN)They don’t talk. (DEAN)They don’t touch. (DEAN)They don’t confront. (DEAN)They don’t feel. (DEAN) They don’t trust. (DEAN)The identity and emotional development of the members of a dysfunctional family are often inhibited

Attention and energy focus on the family member who is ill or addicted. The co-dependent person typically sacrifices his or her needs to take care of a person who is sick. (Dean sacrifices again and again for Sam) When co-dependents place other people’s health, welfare and safety before their own, they can lose contact with their own needs, desires, and sense of self. (DEAN FUCKING WINCHESTER)

How Do Co-dependent People Behave?

Co-dependents have low self-esteem and look for anything outside of themselves to make them feel better. They find it hard to “be themselves.” Some try to feel better through alcohol, drugs or nicotine – and become addicted. Others may develop compulsive behaviors like workaholism, gambling, or indiscriminate sexual activity. (DEAN)

They have good intentions. (DEAN) They try to take care of a person who is experiencing difficulty, but the caretaking becomes compulsive and defeating. Co-dependents often take on a martyr’s role and become “benefactors” to an individual in need. A wife may cover for her alcoholic husband; a mother may make excuses for a truant child; or a father may “pull some strings” to keep his child from suffering the consequences of delinquent behavior.

The problem is that these repeated rescue attempts allow the needy individual to continue on a destructive course and to become even more dependent on the unhealthy caretaking of the “benefactor.” As this reliance increases, the co-dependent develops a sense of reward and satisfaction from “being needed.” When the caretaking becomes compulsive, the co-dependent feels choiceless and helpless in the relationship, but is unable to break away from the cycle of behavior that causes it. Co-dependents view themselves as victims and are attracted to that same weakness in the love and friendship relationships. (Sam and Dean)

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are (Dean and Sam both fit MANY of these):

-An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others(Dean and Sam)

-A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue(Dean and Sam)

-A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time(Dean and Sam)

-A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts(Dean and Sam)

-An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment(Dean and Sam)

-An extreme need for approval and recognition (Dean)

-A sense of guilt when asserting themselves

-A compelling need to control others

-Lack of trust in self and/or others (Dean)

-Fear of being abandoned or alone (Dean)

-Difficulty identifying feelings (Dean)

-Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change (Dean)

-Problems with intimacy/boundaries (Dean)

-Chronic anger (Dean/Sam)

-Lying/dishonesty (Dean/Sam)

-Poor communications (Dean/Sam)

-Difficulty making decisions

Now are you REALLY gonna sit here and tell me that Dean and Sam’s relationship is beautiful and romantic and so perfect and good? IT IS TOXIC AS FUCKING TOXIC CAN GET AND SHOULD NOT BE ROMANTICIZED! Stop treating co Dependancy like its a good thing. It’s not. It’s a viscous cycle that destroys people and destroys relationships. And Sam and Dean’s relationship will end up destroying them both in the end. They would need therapy and time away from each other. They would need to learn to be their own people. Their relationship….is NOT healthy.